I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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