I feel like abortions should bother me more
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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