i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
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I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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