That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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