have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
