I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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