How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
