He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
