So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
