Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
