I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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