So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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