it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
