I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.