Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
