I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
God, I missed his penis.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
