You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
