omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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