I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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