You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
