I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
