i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
