Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
