whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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