Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
of course. lets lasso hookers.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
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