And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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