Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
only if we run a train.
done.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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