I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
ttyl tear gas
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
