so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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