I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
