wanna go halves on a baby?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
