Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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