1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
