I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
