i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
