bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
