I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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