Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Oh god it's open bar.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
