talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
