I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
