Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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