p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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