all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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