dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
