Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
