I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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