i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
