When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
