So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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