my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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