if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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