Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
