I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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