these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
