So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
