Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
