I'll bet she douches with gravy.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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