do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
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If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
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I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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