Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
