it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
