i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
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I need you to use more vowels.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
