I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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