I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
