Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
